The time is here!

I am finally able to say I am a published author! I am releasing my first book, My Five Autobiographies as of midnight- Wednesday, October 21, 2009. The book is about my four (or five) recent past lives and how they have had an impact on my current life today. The purpose of me writing this book was to purge a lot of negativity that I had accumulated over the years AS WELL as to help others realize that there is a divine purpose to their suffering. We deal with life’s challenges in order to evolve, as well as being able to balance past life karma. However our interests, likes, dislikes, fears, talents and general traits can also be passed down from one life to the next. Many people who we meet up with in one incarnation are those who we have had some sort of relationship with from a past, whether it may have been negative or positive.

Anyway if you would like to purchase the book, you can purchase it from my site http://www.myfiveautobiographies.com. You can also purchase it directly from The iUniverse site. It may be available on amazon but I ask you at this time not to purchase it from amazon. It’s a long story but several months ago, some faulty copies were printed and amazon had taken them in. I have been trying to get iUniverse to get amazon to remove the faulty copies. Once I know of more information on that issue, I will let you know. I am unsure of whether it is available from Barnes and Noble at this time. Anyway, the easiest way to purchase my book is through my main site http://www.myfiveautobiographies.com. Have an excellent rest of the week and enjoy!

Much love to all,

Mir

It’s about them, not about me- I have to remember that.

I was always the outcast at high school, the nerd, the weirdo, you get the idea. There were also other situations in my life where I had earned a bad reputation- and went from “nerd” to “nutcase”- because I was expressing my anger inappropriately. But over time, I have had to learn the hard way to find more constructive ways of expressing my anger, other than lashing out or stuffing my face with food, and been having to find ways to let my past go, which I admit I am still struggling to do but getting better at it. That won’t be solved overnight. Writing a book I felt was one way to do it, which I did, which will hopefully be out in 4 weeks from now or so (I hope, dealing with one another small glitch but that should hopefully be settled long before that- and it should be the last one). I am having to learn to appreciate and love me after being beaten down so much in my life. Maybe there was a purpose for my worth being beaten down by others so I could find a way to pick it up, fix it and build up on it. I am struggling, but getting better at all of it. However, late last night I got a very immature message from one of the girls back in high school who picked on me which was nearing 20 years ago. Somehow she had heard that I had written a book and wasted her time telling me that “any book written by me can’t be more of a joke of a read”. At first I started to believe her words and got upset. But then after a short time, I sat back and thought “well okay, she is behaving the same way as she did 20 years ago, and still believes I am the same like I was 20 years ago for whatever reason”. Then I thought to myself how silly it was for me to react, base my worth and believe the words of some immature kid in a grown up’s body. Why would she go out of her way to send me this kind of message? Obviously the problem is with her, and not with me. Obviously she is quite miserable, the same way that she was 20 years ago and found me, again as a target to take her misery and anger on. It’s sad to know how some people really don’t evolve, and she is a prime example. And perhaps this incident was a lesson for me too, to not base my worth on how someone perceives me… which is a huge reason that my self esteem had suffered for so long. But I am mastering that. In fact one time recently someone wise told me whatever someone thinks of me is really not my business! And in the past, I would have allowed this incident to hurt me for a long, long time. This time, I was only upset about it for a few minutes, then decided to stop feeling bad and to start examining the situation. And what I found from it was that it had nothing to do with me, all of this had everything to do with her and her demons. And whatever is making her miserable, I hope one day she has the courage to find out what it is, and to stop taking it out on others.

Jealousy

I admit it. At one time if I saw someone who appeared to have it better than I did, I was very jealous of that individual. If I thought his/her life was better than mine, I was consumed with jealousy. I wished that I had what they had. Whether they had a thinner body, or had more money, or “advanced” children, I was jealous and believed that their lives were much better than mine. After my son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago, I was consumed with anger, sadness, bitterness and wallowed in self pity. “Why” as I thought. I had a difficult childhood, and the struggles just continued on and had to watch my child struggle as well. I perceived others of having an easier life than I did, especially at that time if their children were typical. I was extremely miserable and my jealousy added to the misery. I believe it is okay to have some healthy envy, which is yearning for something that someone else has without the resentment. Envy can trigger motivation. For instance, you have extra weight and notice someone else who is slimmer. You will think to yourself “Gosh, I wish I had that figure”, then you realize, “Hey, I CAN have that figure if I work for it”. However, jealousy is envy with resentment, hate and anger towards the other person who has something that you want. Jealousy is a normal human emotion and even the most enlightened person will experience jealousy from time to time. However, the difference is, someone who is truly enlightened will  feel the jealous emotion, then let it pass, and accept that we all have our individual gifts and challenges. Someone who is sending out low vibrations all of the time will dwell on the jealousy and anger for a long time, focus on the person who he or she is jealous of, and neglect their blessings. I was like that for a long, long time. As I had become more enlightened and realized that we choose our challenges and gifts prior to birth, I had become less jealous. Sure, I admit at times I wish that my son did not have autism. I admit when I see someone’s five year old is communicating like a five year old should as my five year old son is speech delayed, I get down at times.  But, it was obviously a challenge that him and I decided to go through. And the best thing I can do is work with him and make sure he is getting the right therapy, so he will have great odds at having a good future and living well independently. And I have come to realize, even if someone else doesn’t have that kind of challenge with their child, I can guarantee you that they are experiencing a challenge that I don’t have. Some people may have less challenges than you, but no matter what, no one’s life is free of challenges. The reason I am writing this blog is because I had discovered that someone on my facebook page who had not only deleted me from  her list, but blocked me did so, because this person was very jealous of me. This person thought that I had the perfect life!!! If this person really knew of what I had been through and understood the challenges I deal with on a daily basis, I am sure this person may possibly regret  her actions and beliefs about me. However, this is a good lesson for me as well. The next time I forget myself and dwell on someone’s good fortune (well we all have bad moments and bad days, it could happen), I should remember this. Just because someone appears to have it all, that does not mean that he or she does. If you are jealous of someone’s perceived fortune, experience the emotion, but let it pass and realize that you have gifts that this person does not.

Moving on Up

I have slowly been implementing positive changes within my lifestyle. I am not just talking about eating better, but I am trying to worry less and have a better attitude about life in general. And it’s working, slowly but surely. Fear has been holding me back for all of this time. And not to mention the feeling of dread when it comes to changing has been overwhelming. But, if you change, bit by bit, little by little, it snowballs into something positive. You cannot change any kind of lifestyle drastically, but bit by bit which in the end will go a long way. It takes approximately 21 to 40 days to develop new habits. You practice changing for the better for that long, it will in the end become second hand nature. I took the plunge and joined Weight Watchers (thought I have been on Sparkpeople, but was not inspired enough), and I vow to stick with it. No amount of excuses will keep me straying away from my goals. I think for so long I subconsciously chose to stay overweight to “get back” at society and its standards. But I am realizing that I was hurting myself, regardless of how I feel about society. I did not feel good, I DO not feel good being overweight. And the fact of the matter is, when I do my book signings hopefully in the winter, I will want to look nice and presentable, for ME, not for society. Speaking of my book.. some delays have occurred.

Unfortunately, since self publishing is not an easy task, you have to watch EVERYTHING!! And I mean EVERYTHING about it. They started to print off some copies and I then noticed (I didn’t notice it before, ugh) that there were a number of typos!! So I had to beg them to stop the printers (some may be printed off already and there is not a whole lot I can do about that), and to get it proofread one more time, and THEN to triple check it.. and then submit it! I am not going to be able to release the book in September now. It will likely be the end of October. Later September would be okay, if Mercury was direct! Which it won’t be. Whenever Mercury is in retrograde, the last thing you should do is release a book!!! So the end of October it will be. I will keep you updated if there are any changes. But I am feeling this will be an exciting fall and winter

Fences in Our Minds

I found this article in Sparkpeople, a very good weight loss motivational site that I visit often to soak in the positivity from there. I thought this article was brilliant. Unfortunately because I have no idea who had written it, I cannot give any proper credits but I had to share this because we can be our own worst enemies and build our own fences in our minds. I know I am guilty of it. But we have to break down these fences at our own times. Have a read!

Fences in your Mind

I’ve watched the movie Chicken Run at least a half-dozen times. Just beneath the surface of its simplistic look and story line lie a number of wonderful messages told through the eyes of a bunch of Claymation chickens trying to break out of their chicken-wire world to escape their fate at the chopping block. Their freedom leader, a feisty little hen named Ginger, comments profoundly in one scene: “the fences are all in your mind.” She reminds her fellow chickens (and us), that a bigger obstacle than the physical fences they’re surrounded by are the mental fences that hold them captive.

It’s been a good reminder for me on those occasions when I’ve been dealing my own mental fences…those created by self-doubt, uncertainty, fear. Can you relate? Where have you fenced yourself in mentally in recent days or weeks? Perhaps your mental fence is procrastination, a deadening habit that keeps you stuck. Maybe yours, like mine, is related to self-doubt, and the on-going internal noise it produces that keeps you immobilized. Perhaps yours is the belief that you don’t deserve success, so you sabotage yourself to avoid having to find out how successful you could be. There are a million variations of the theme, but the result is still the same: we stay stuck like the chickens in the movie.

One of the key questions is: “How do I limit myself and how can I stop?” Those limitations are never external. They always live inside us. The antidote to being trapped by our mental fences is to create a compelling enough vision that, like Ginger and her flock of chicken friends, we’re willing to resort to amazing measures to break out. The formula:

VISION + CONSISTENT ACTION = FREEDOM!

I challenge you to take some bold, even outrageous steps to break free of your mental fences. If it’s procrastination, declare a “freedom day” and take action on everything you’ve been putting off: from cleaning your office to making phone calls or responding to emails you’ve avoided.

If it’s self-doubt, sit down and write out everything you value and why it’s important. Then challenge yourself to eliminate anything that doesn’t absolutely reflect your values, or add something that is a profound statement of who you are.

FREEDOM IS JUST THE OTHER SIDE OF ACTION.

Recognize that your mental fences can only keep you stuck as long as you’re looking at them. They can only contain you as long as you’re not taking actions consistent with your vision. Go ahead, take the action you’ve avoided and leap into a future filled with possibilities. And remember, the fences are all in your mind!

Where Soul and Ego completely clash.

My book My Five Autobiographies is officially published. However, I am unsure of when I will release it. It may be sooner or later. I will have to decide when it is best, depending on how emotionally ready I truly am. I am doing my best to think positive thoughts and it is very hard to do since I have lived my life looking at the half empty side of things. This desperately needs to be changed. However, I need to be realistic as well. Because some people have only seen my worst side, I am expecting them to call me a hypocrite after they read my book. That is if they are interested.I am only saying this to prepare myself for this possibility, though it may not happen and I should not worry about it since I am not living in the present right now. I need to stop and live in the present!

My book, My Five Autobiographies is about how my five recent past lives have affected my life today. I deal with issues in regards to depression, phobias, food addiction, anxiety, being bullied, raising an autistic child as well as many other issues. These are common issues that many do face, however the point that I am bringing out is that there is a point to all of this suffering. I have accumulated karma over lifetimes to create this, and we live our lives to balance our issues out. This is why we keep returning through reincarnation because it is very difficult to balance these issues out in one single lifetime. We need to remember that our souls are yearning to evolve to join the One Source. We are all full of light and worthy,  but our egos can make us believe otherwise. Especially if we tend to get caught up within the depths of our challenges which I unfortunately have a tendency to do. But I wrote this book to help heal myself. I still find myself falling back to negative patterns though at times.

Some have an easier time suspending our egos and letting our souls take over than others. Some are able to find a good relationship with their ego and soul. I unfortunately am one of those whose ego and soul have a poor relationship with one another. Astrologically, My Moon is in Taurus, and my Sun is in Leo. The Sun rules the ego and the Moon rules the Soul. Taurus and Leo are fixed signs (very stubborn) and square one another (create friction and compromise is needed to help handle repelling energies). This explains why even though I KNOW I am worthy of love and full of light, I still fail to really believe it. I have been conditioned to believe I was worthless and I have let my past bullies win for so long. My ego has taken over for so long while my soul is screaming out to EVOLVE AND LEARN FROM THESE EXPERIENCES INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN SELF PITY! Ugh, I have serious battles within, constantly. But I am not the only one. This is also the reason I had written this book.

Not just to help me start my path to healing, but there are many others out there who would benefit from reading my book. There are many others out there who have a poor relationship with their soul and ego. This can be a good explanation as to why there are many who suffer from depression. We need to find a compromise and find ways to suspend our egos, and let our souls take over. We will find happiness much quicker this way, but it is a matter of figuring out how.

Forgiveness- Not easy but a necessary process to healing

Over the past several months I have been sinking down to the slumps of my depression and as a result I have not visited this blog. Why? Well it is possible after doing so much research on the Holocaust did not help. And I was a Holocaust victim in my last life. And we all know how dwelling on the past can do more harm than good, especially if it involves something as horrific as that. But I wasn’t doing this research for the sake of pointless research or to only dwell on how I was a victim in my last life. I am writing a book having to do with the Holocaust and adding astrological concepts to it. In fact I want to help bring more awareness out, because I don’t believe there is enough. There is too much evil in this world which needs to be transformed. This is an important project for me to complete. But over the past few months I have unintentionally contributed to the evil in the world. I felt like I was unworthy (the same that I felt when I was severely teased as a teenager and the same way I felt in my last life), my weight has not gone up but it has not gone down either. My business has been slow and have been calling myself a loser and a big unsuccess. What was I doing to myself? I cannot keep desecrating my soul like I have done for so long. I have been letting my former bullies win, AGAIN!

Not only was I nurturing my depression (which I do genuinely have) but I was turning back into that bitter woman that I was like not that long ago. I was cursing those who had wronged me in the past and … well I forgot about the light that I truly am and spat out a lot of negativity. Really, it’s sooo ugly. I don’t want that anymore. HOWEVER one thing I will add as to why I behaved the way I did. I actually DID come to the realization that food, my life long so-called security blanket REALLY provides NO security other than extra padding! Extra padding that I don’t want anymore! Even though I was very depressed, I did not succumb to my food addiction! That is HUGE. I was able to say “no” to that chocolate bar or bag of chips! A year ago, I would have completely given in. I firmly believe I was actually mourning for the fact that I no longer had that sense of “security” anymore… since I actually came to the realization that food provides nothing. I was mourning over the loss of my old need. This I am sure contributed to my depression. And change IS scary. But change is necessary.

There are some challenges I know I am not ready to face, but certain ones I am. We all have to heal at our own pace, and that also means in separate lifetimes. However one challenge that I know I must take on is forgiveness. I know I must forgive my former bullies or anyone who has wronged me to move on and not look back. This will not be an easy task but it is a necessary one. I do want happiness, not to feel like I am stuck in those muddy stagnant depressed waters. Those who had done me wrong, or who had done anyone wrong were letting their ego get to the best of them. And what have I been doing over the past few months? Well I must forgive myself for that as well.

My first book “My Five Autobiographies” has finally been published but not yet available. It talks about how we are shaped by our past lives and I talk about how I have been shaped by my five recent ones. But I also acknowledge that our common goal is to reach perfection, and that we are all light and not anything other than that. I really do need to take my own advice as well because I know we are all made up of love whether we realize it or not.

What my current lesson is to suspend my ego, and to let my soul speak. If that means forgiving wrongs that were created by myself or by others, then I must work on doing so. Growing and evolving is never easy but again, if we weren’t here to evolve and grow, we wouldn’t be here in the first place.

Struggling with Negative Thinking Today- Need to Readjust

I can blame this on Mercury in retrograde all I want but the fact of the matter is, I have fallen back into my thoughts and have attracted a little bit of negativity. I found out that I had lost some business due to a competitor, and someone who I had done a free reading for did not live up to his promise. I had only made an arrangement with him because he had promised me something previously and in the end, he had renigged on his promise. How did I react to it? Unfortunately the old Miriam came back momentarily because of those disappointments. I called myself a “failure”, told myself “I would never succeed”, told myself “I am destined to fail”, heck I even said “whats the point in even finishing my book? Like who is gonna publish my work anyway?” and the next thing I knew I had shoved in a 500 calorie muffin into myself within milliseconds!!! THAT my friends was self loathing!! All because of reacting negatively to something. As much as I hate to admit it, once again I had forgotten about the light that I really am all because I had allowed my fragile ego to crack. When that happens, that is when you spiral down and then engage into negative behaviors. The good news is, I was able to clear myself after wards, step back and watch how one negative action attracts another. I watched the negativity snowball! It is true, once again like attracts like.

Sadly I had spent the majority of my life allowing myself to live in my own hell that I had created. I am working hard on getting out of it because it is ugly. I no longer want to live like this as it once again is ugly. I have a lot of work to do, and I accept that because living a positive lifestyle takes work and nothing happens overnight. As I had described set backs WILL and DO occur. But at least I stopped it from spiraling down into anything more. Okay now that I am stepping back, I am trying to learn from what had just happened. Instead of focusing on the fact that I had lost some business due to a competitor, I need to figure out a way to ATTRACT more business. Engaging in negative behaviors won’t do it! That much I know. As far as the guy who did not come through on his part, well.. it was a learning experience on my part to be more careful next time. Besides karma always needs to be balanced and eventually he will have to answer to his own due to that.

Lets be realistic, since I have lived a life engaging in so much negativity due to so many instances like noted above, set backs will occasionally happen. But the goal right now is for me to have fewer and fewer of them as time goes by.

It is Very True- Like does Attract Like!

All of my life I have felt like an outcast. In fact I was the one that was shoved aside and constantly picked on during a great part of my life. I had many short comings, so I had thought anyway. I was overweight, had acne, dressed poorly and had poor social skills. Needless to say I did not fit in with society’s standards. I was called all kinds of cruel names by many others such as “loser” or even worse. However, that was not the tragic part. The horrible part about that was, I believed every word that people said to me.

Because I believed it, I manifested that. The fact that I thought so low of myself created the food addiction which had created my weight gain, the acne, and the fact that I dressed poorly. I earned a very bad reputation for a long time. For a long time I did not believe I was worth it. I expected to fail in many areas of life and guess what.. I did. But the key word is DID.

However, certain things in my life had woken me up. One of those things that had woken me up was a brilliant reading I had received from a gifted medium. I now realize that I am not what I had believed I was. I am light and I am beautiful and I am worth it! I deserve success and I will become successful. However, I also need to understand that because I had spent so many years creating negativity, it can’t be undone overnight. It’s all a matter of unlearning.

Yes it is true that perhaps I was considered “different” and still am. But “different” means unique and anything unique is beautiful. Too bad I didn’t believe that earlier. However, we all live and learn.